When I get depressed I tend to withdraw and sleep all the time. It's as if literally being awake and having my brain turned on is too much/too anxiety provoking. Some weeks ago when my Grandmother passed I would literally eat until I was full beyond capacity and that would make me sleep which was the goal. I realized that was happening after about ( Read more... )

Spent most of yesterday dancing. The short routine I'm doing next Friday seems like it'll go well. I just have to figure out what to wear now. And I can't wait to learn the Viennese Waltz when I'm at the Bronze III level ( Read more... )

I'm trying to get into the habit of weighing myself every two weeks or so to monitor progress. And I finally broke the 150 mark. Thank god. This morning I was 149. My doctor said 130-140 would be a good weight for me. I'm not sure how I feel about that. The last time I weighed in the 130s was when I was in Iowa and not eating due to depression. So ( Read more... )

Anyway today's highlight was skyping with the lovely Izzy ( hani ) for about 3 hours. Awesome. Time flies when talking to her and I really can't say that about most people I encounter lol

I'm going to try not counting calories for a week and then weigh myself to see if I can at least maintain this weight without the MyFitnessPal. That'd be swell.

I did ( Read more... )

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So Mexico-- I don't want to look disgusting in my swimming suit. I realize I am not overweight to an unhealthy degree. But when I see my body in the mirror I'm just disappointed. It's not so much just feeling fat... it's beyond that. It's ugly. It's just not feeling pretty/feminine/how I think girls should feel about their body.

I don't necessarily ( Read more... )

Kay so, I just found out that one of my thin beautiful friends has been cheated on ( Read more... )

I wanted to go to the gym today for the first time in a while but I started shaking so bad that I couldn't. How fucking pathetic is that? I've just been feeling so sickeningly disgusting lately. I saw some pictures of myself in a swim suit over the summer and I was mortified at how my stomach looked.  I guess I'll try going to the gym tomorrow ( Read more... )

Have you ever looked at yourself naked in the mirror- before a shower or something
and just thought:

what the hell? why me?

That's where I'm at right now.

Even when I have a consistent work-out routine I don't seem to notice any improvements.

Believe me, I know I'm not obese.
I just feel so flabby and untoned and that my body isn't "pleasant to look at ( Read more... )